Top Tips for Celebrants – 5
(In these blogs, although I use the word celebrant, the information I share applies to anyone who’s presenting a ceremony of any kind.)
In Top Tips for Celebrants – 4, I wrote “Next time, I’m going to dip into a bit of voice work from a couple of different angles; and I’ll mention nudging (yes!) and completing the circuit”. Well, I was lying!
Not really… I had my fingers crossed when I wrote that I was lying.

Anyway, I’ll start with nudging, and the circuit. They’re related. In my ideal celebrant (and other forms of presentation) world, there’s a fine balance between the celebrant allowing themselves to be emotionally affected by the words they’re speaking, but not dictating to the people present how they should be responding to what’s being said.
I worked with a theatre director years ago who told us (the cast) that we should let the audience complete the circuit.

Definitely! The same applies to a celebrant – and any other presenter. I’ve heard celebrants who coat their words at a funeral with an unwavering veneer of sadness or false piety, irrespective of what they’re actually saying. At the other end of the scale, I’ve heard celebrants and others telling jokes and funny stories, and leading the laughter at their own witticisms.
As I said, there’s a fine balance to be achieved. This is where nudging fits in. Simultaneously and paradoxically (I love paradoxes), the celebrant is the least and the most important person at a ceremony. I’m exaggerating a little bit so as to make my point. Although the occasional celebrant doesn’t seem to be aware of this, the ceremony isn’t about them in any way. It doesn’t mean that they can’t be lively and funny if it’s appropriate, but they’re not the star of the show – the couple, the deceased, or whoever, has top billing.

At the same time, the celebrant’s abilities are crucial. That person can make or break the occasion. If the audience are laughing – laugh along with them, but don’t lead them. If the mood is sombre, reflect that, but don’t dictate it. I like to think of a celebrant, through their subtle reactions to the words they’re sharing, gently nudging the listener in whatever direction seems appropriate, but the listener has to have enough thinking and feeling space and time to be able to make up their own mind.

In the previous sentence, notice that I used the word “listener” in the singular rather than plural. I did this to make a point. Occasionally, you might hear well-known radio presenters, when interviewed, describing how they go about their job. Often, they’ll say something like “I always imagine I’m speaking to my ideal listener – she’s a woman in her mid-forties, loves Adele“, and so on. To a certain extent this works for them and their audience. But in almost every case, when I’ve heard such a person broadcasting, they often do sound appropriate for their ideal listener – apart from one fundamental thing. They speak in the plural! “Good morning everybody, I hope you’re all having a wonderful day.” And they might add something like “You’ve been sending in a lot of texts this morning…” No I haven’t! I haven’t even had my phone on yet; and there’s only me and the cat here in the kitchen.

So why is he referring to me as “everybody”? This may seem picky on my part, but at some level, I want to be spoken to as an individual, not as part of a crowd. Consciously or unconsciously, most of us want to feel special. And there’s virtually nothing that can’t be easily rephrased into the singular. “Good morning, I hope you’re having a wonderful day. We’ve had a lot of texts coming in this morning.” A broadcaster has hit the jackpot if the listener feels that they’re being spoken to directly. This applies to celebrancy as well. In that ideal celebrant world I mentioned, at the end of a ceremony, wouldn’t it be great if everybody there thought “I know there are 98 other people here (because I counted them)), but I had the feeling that she was talking especially to me”. Putting some thought into rephrasing a few words can further enhance how you come across.

Back to the theatre days for a second! My old mate, Roger was rather eccentric. He referred to individual members of the audience as an audient! He once came off stage, indignant. “Did you see that audient on the end of the second row? He was asleep all through my big speech!”

I’d intended to cover some voice work in this edition, but I’ve run out of space.

Sorry to disappoint! Next time it’ll be all voice. I promise!
I hope you’re getting something worthwhile out of these tips. This is the 5th in the series, and there are several more to come. Feel free to share the links. I work with people from many walks of life, and a particular favourite is to engage with celebrants and celebrants-in-training. If you’re thinking about one-on-one guidance about voice and communication, my details are below. I’m happy to have a half-hour Zoom or phone call with you, free of charge, to see if you’d like to do some work with me. And here’s a link to the first blog in the Top-Tips series. Top Tips For Celebrants -1 – Paul Robinson Voice Coaching and one for the next one. Top Tips for Celebrants – 6 – Paul Robinson Voice Coaching
07469 957 199 (+44 7469 957 199)